What Is a Sten Do? The Ultimate Guide to Planning a Joint Hen and Stag Party
So someone’s mentioned a “sten do” and you’re not entirely sure what they’re on about. Don’t worry, you’re not behind the times, it’s just a fairly new bit of wedding slang that’s taken off across the UK in the last few years.
This guide covers exactly what a sten party is, why couples are choosing them over separate celebrations, and a full step-by-step plan for organising one that everyone (bride, groom, and both friendship groups) will actually enjoy.
This post contains affiliate links, that I have hand picked because I like them. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you or the seller.
Hagfest Wristband
Here’s another name ‘Hagfest’! These wrist bands are fantastic to keep you together, and great if you are organising a festival type party.
What Is a Sten Do?
A sten do (also called a sten party, or sometimes a “hag do”) is a joint hen and stag celebration, where the bride-to-be and groom-to-be party together with both sets of friends, rather than having two separate single-sex events.
The name itself is simply a mash-up of stag and hen. Instead of the bride disappearing off to Brighton with the bridesmaids while the groom heads to Prague with the lads, everyone goes together. One celebration, one guest list, one set of memories before the big day.
It’s a fairly modern twist on tradition. Stag and hen dos have historically been strictly separate, partly so each half of the couple gets a “last hurrah” without the other one watching, and partly so things can get a bit messier than either of you might want your future spouse to witness. A sten do throws that rulebook out, and for a lot of couples, that’s exactly the point.
Why Are Sten Parties Becoming So Popular?
A few reasons keep coming up when couples explain why they chose a joint celebration over two separate ones.
Shared friend groups. If you and your partner have been together for years, chances are your friend groups have merged. Splitting everyone into “his side” and “her side” for a weekend away can feel artificial when half the guest list would be invited to both parties anyway.
No more wondering what happened. Traditional stag and hen weekends can come with a bit of nervous energy about what the other half is getting up to. A joint do removes that entirely. Everyone’s there, everyone sees what everyone gets up to, and there’s nothing to wonder about afterwards.
Cost and logistics. Planning one weekend away is simpler and often cheaper than coordinating two. One venue, one set of bookings, one WhatsApp group to chase for payments instead of two.
It suits modern friendship circles. Plenty of couples these days don’t want their celebrations split along gender lines, and a sten do is a naturally inclusive way to mark the occasion for everyone involved, regardless of who they are or how they identify.
It’s worth saying: a sten do isn’t for everyone, and that’s completely fine. Some people love the tradition of having their own separate send-off without their partner there. There’s no rule that says you have to choose a joint celebration just because it’s trending. If in doubt, it’s a conversation to have with your partner early on, not something to decide on their behalf.
Sten Do vs Separate Stag and Hen: How to Decide
If you’re torn, ask yourselves these questions before you commit either way.
- Do you and your partner share most of the same close friends, or are your circles quite separate?
- Would either of you genuinely miss having a single-sex celebration without the other one there?
- Are you trying to keep costs down by combining into one trip rather than two?
- Is your friend group generally up for activities that work for everyone, rather than very gender-specific ones?
If you’re nodding along to most of these, a sten do is likely to suit you well. If one of you is quietly dreaming of a classic boozy weekend with just the lads, or a spa retreat with just the girls, it might be worth having two smaller, separate celebrations instead, or even doing both if budget allows.
Step 1: Talk to the Couple About What They Actually Want
Just like a traditional stag or hen, this is meant to be a treat for the bride and groom, not an excuse for the organisers to throw the party they’d want. Before anything else, find out:
- Whether they want one big joint celebration, or a joint weekend with some split activities along the way
- Their budget expectations, and what feels reasonable for guests to be asked to spend
- Any hard no’s: activities they hate, people they’d rather weren’t invited, or things that just aren’t “them”
- Whether they want full surprises, partial surprises, or to be in the loop on everything
Pro tip: with a sten do, it helps to ask the couple together rather than separately, since the whole point is that you’re planning one event both of them are happy with.
Step 2: Build the Guest List Together
This is the part that trips people up most with joint celebrations. Get the bride and groom to each send their must-invite list, then combine them.
Things to watch for:
- Some friends will know both the bride and groom well; others might only really know one of them. Make sure the activities you choose don’t leave anyone feeling like the odd one out.
- Agree numbers early. Joint celebrations can balloon quickly once you combine two friend groups, so a rough cap (most sten dos sit somewhere between 15 and 30 guests) keeps things manageable.
- Decide whether plus-ones are invited. With a mixed group already, adding partners on top can change the dynamic considerably.
A shared spreadsheet or a simple group chat poll works well here, so nobody ends up feeling like they were left off by accident.
Step 3: Set a Budget Everyone’s Comfortable With
Money is the single biggest source of stress on any group celebration, and combining two friend groups doubles the potential for awkwardness if you’re not upfront about it.
Typical UK sten do budgets:
Budget-friendly (£100–£200 per person): A UK city weekend, self-catered accommodation, a mix of free and low-cost activities, and pre-drinks rather than expensive bar tabs.
Mid-range (£200–£400 per person): A short European city break, or a UK weekend with one or two paid group activities and a nicer meal out.
Premium (£400–£800+ per person): A longer trip abroad, higher-end accommodation, and several organised activities or experiences.
Don’t forget the hidden costs: transport and transfers, the couple’s share (often subsidised by the group, as with traditional stag and hen dos), fancy dress or matching outfits, a contingency fund, and any deposits for accommodation.
Use an app like Splitwise or Revolut to track who’s paid and chase up gently but promptly. Set a clear deadline for payments well before the trip, so nobody’s still owed money the week before you travel.
Step 4: Choose Activities Everyone Will Enjoy
This is where sten do planning really differs from a standard stag or hen. You’re catering to a mixed group, so steer away from anything heavily gender-coded and look for activities that work for everyone.
Crowd-pleasing daytime options:
- Cocktail-making or mixology classes
- Escape rooms
- Axe throwing or archery
- Paddleboarding, kayaking, or a boat trip
- A countryside walk followed by a pub lunch
- Crazy golf or mini golf
- Pottery painting or a craft workshop
- Wine, gin, or cocktail tasting tours
- Bottomless brunch
Evening options:
- Private dining or a group meal at a restaurant that takes bookings
- A private bar or function room hire
- Karaoke
- A casino night
- Live music or a comedy club
- A themed fancy dress night (decades, “Mr & Mrs”, superheroes, anything that doesn’t split along gender lines)
The “divide and conquer” trick: you don’t have to do everything as one big group the whole time. Plenty of successful sten dos split for an hour or two during the day (say, archery for some, a spa treatment for others) and reconvene for the evening. It’s not cheating to split occasionally, it just means everyone gets something they’ll genuinely enjoy.
Step 5: Pick a UK Destination
You don’t need to go abroad for a brilliant sten do. Some of the most popular UK options for 2026 include:
- Bristol: Great for outdoor activities and a strong food and drink scene
- Liverpool: Excellent nightlife and a good range of group activities
- Manchester: Budget-friendly with brilliant bars and things to do
- Brighton: Beach vibes, quirky activities, and a famously inclusive atmosphere
- Edinburgh: History, culture, and legendary pubs, particularly lovely in summer
- Cardiff: A solid choice if the group’s keeping a close eye on costs
- The Cotswolds or Lake District: Ideal if the couple would rather have a relaxed countryside weekend than a big night out
If you’re considering heading abroad, popular European choices for joint celebrations include Lisbon, Barcelona, and Amsterdam, all of which offer a good mix of daytime activities and nightlife that suit a mixed group.
Step 6: Sort Accommodation and Transport
Accommodation: A self-catered house or large apartment tends to work best for a sten do, since it gives the whole group communal space to get ready together, pre-drink, and hang out, rather than everyone scattered across separate hotel rooms. Look for somewhere with enough bathrooms for the group size, and check the host’s policy on parties before you book.
Transport: If you’re staying in the UK, compare train and coach group fares well in advance. For getting around once you’re there, a group of this size often benefits from booking a minibus transfer rather than relying on taxis, especially late at night.
Step 7: Handle the Practical Bits
- Set up a group chat for the whole sten do so updates reach everyone in one place
- Send a detailed itinerary a couple of weeks before you travel
- Share a packing list, including anything for fancy dress or themed activities
- Make sure everyone has the accommodation address and an emergency contact saved
- Agree a rough schedule, but build in some downtime. Back-to-back activities from breakfast to midnight will wear everyone out
Step 8: Add a Few Personal Touches
A sten do doesn’t need to be elaborate to be memorable. A few small extras go a long way:
- Matching t-shirts or sashes for the bride and groom (and the rest of the group, if budget allows)
- A printed itinerary or welcome pack waiting at the accommodation
- A guestbook or memory jar where everyone leaves a note for the couple
- A toast to the happy couple at some point over the weekend, even if it’s just at dinner
Common Sten Do Mistakes to Avoid
- Choosing activities that only suit one half of the group. Always check an activity works for everyone before booking it.
- Forgetting to ask the couple what they actually want. It’s their celebration first.
- Not setting a budget early enough. Money conversations get harder the longer you leave them.
- Overpacking the schedule. Leave breathing room between activities, especially after a late night.
- Ignoring dietary needs or accessibility requirements. Check in advance so nobody’s left out.
- Assuming everyone wants to do everything together. Splitting up for an hour here and there is completely normal.
Quick Advice
Is a sten do the same as a hag do? Yes, “hag do” is just another name for the same thing, a joint hen and stag celebration.
How many guests should a sten do have? There’s no fixed rule, but most joint celebrations sit somewhere between 15 and 30 guests, depending on how big the combined friend groups are.
Who pays for a sten do? It varies, but it’s common for the couple’s costs to be subsidised by the group, similar to a traditional stag or hen, with everyone covering their own travel and accommodation.
Can you still have separate activities within a sten do? Absolutely. Plenty of joint celebrations split into smaller groups for part of the day before coming back together for the evening.
How far in advance should we plan a sten do? The same rules as a regular stag or hen apply: 6–12 months ahead for the best prices and availability, especially if you’re considering somewhere abroad or a popular weekend.
What if the bride and groom want different things? Talk to them together rather than separately, and look for a destination or activity list that gives a bit of both, rather than picking one person’s preferences over the other’s.
Final Thoughts
A sten do is really just a celebration that reflects how a lot of modern couples actually live: friend groups merged, traditions adapted, and no need to split into “his side” and “her side” for one last party before the wedding. Plan it with the same care you’d give a regular stag or hen (clear budgets, good communication, and the couple’s preferences front and centre) and it’ll be every bit as memorable.
Whether you end up dancing on tables in Liverpool or pottery painting in the Cotswolds, the best sten dos are the ones where everyone, bride, groom, and both friend groups, leaves with stories they’ll be telling for years.